when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
