I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
