I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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