That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
