I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize