Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
