Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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