ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
one might say we're banned from that church
i think i have two assholes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Randomize
