I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
