I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
