i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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