Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
