If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
