totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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