tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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