dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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