I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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