i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
