The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
