We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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