there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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