just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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