i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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