Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
