I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
