My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
