I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
