is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
