just tell him i said nine months
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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