i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
