I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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