This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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