This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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