Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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