i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's shark week go big or go home
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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