Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i have herpe
just one?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Randomize
