Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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