I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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