I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
a search helicopter?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
