If that was your dad, he is hot
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
