Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
