Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
