apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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