my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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