Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
