...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
