omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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