it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize