Everything about him screamed your future.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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