i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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