So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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