wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
