The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
soo... how was my night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
