Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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