if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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