my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
