can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
