...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
