if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
