Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
