Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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