____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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