I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
