Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
