I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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