Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
