dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
