Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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