Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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