hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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