I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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